A silent meditation retreat seemed like the best way to close an old chapter and start a new one. Luckily, I found one with Heart Dhamma led by Bhante Ananda, a Canadian Buddhist monk who left it all to devote his life to the teachings of the Dhamma through the lessons of loving kindness, joy, and somatic release.
And yes, he is foxy. I was initially concerned that this would distract me from a solemn introspective journey, until I realized that 1. I am no Fleabag, 2. He lives alone in the Sri Lanka jungle, and 3. I would be a hot mess during this experience.
Tierramor. Land of love. Love of land. Loving the land. However you want to define this portmanteau, the answer is yes. The 10-day silent meditation retreat was hosted at this stunning community that has been created with love, connection, alignment, and harmony. Land that was decimated by overgrazing is being regenerated and much has already returned to its lush balance. No detail is left untouched. From the intricate artwork to innovative nap, er, co-working spaces to gardens filled with native plants to very detailed instructions for the dry toilets, Tierramor is blooming into an intentional community based on connection with self, connection with others, and connection with the land. Hummingbirds and butterflies flutter around the native flora and herbs. Nearby howler monkeys served as our 4:30 am wake-up call. The rainy season is no misnomer. It poured, POURED, nearly every day, yet the beauty of Costa Rica only grows deeper.
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| There was a family of Howler monkeys who kept court in the tree next to the kitchen. They howled whenever someone turned on the blender. |
All we had to do was sit in paradise, cultivate loving joy, and breathe for 7 hours a day. Easy enough! Except, of course, it wasn’t.
Bhante’s teachings are based on the Tranquil Wisdom Insight Meditation technique that focuses on loving kindness, joy, and forgiveness to carry out the Buddha’s teachings using the 6Rs. For this retreat, we were instructed to generate a warm joy and allow it to permeate through our body. The 6Rs would then be used whenever a distraction found its way in:
- Recognize
- Release
- Relax
- Re-smile
- Return
- Repeat (when needed)
And when the 6Rs weren’t enough to stave off a spiral, it meant that it was time for a forgiveness meditation. Forgiving ourselves, those who wronged us, this warped system we live in. Everything and everyone.
The meditation hall was initially meticulously arranged, and quickly devolved into a free-for-all of cushions. If you weren’t using the cushion by your belongings, it was fair game. And if you were annoyed by someone taking your unused cushion, Bhante’s technique would lead us to conclude that you should instead take delight that someone else is enjoying using it (at least, that's what Bhante told me after I expressed annoyance that someone took my cushion).
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| This is after we cleaned up on the last day |
The daily schedule was as follows:
6:30 am: Guided meditation and chanting with Bhante
7:30 am: Breakfast
8:30 am: Morning meditation and interviews
11:30 am: Lunch
12:30 pm: Afternoon meditation and interviews
5 pm: Tea time
6:30 pm: Discourse with Bhante (talking was allowed)
8 pm: Meditation/bedtime
We didn't get dinner, in effect creating a 20ish hour fast every day to create a lightness while meditating. Ironically, thanks to the outstanding food led by Chef Sergio, “we” ate so much during the meals that it took a while for the heaviness to wear off. And this being a silent retreat, I had to keep all “Yes, Chef” cracks to myself.
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| Chef Sergio is sitting on the left |
We had interviews with Bhante every day so he could track our mental state, tell us that we were doing a great job (hello, dopamine surge!), and offer guidance. Pained faces the first couple of days turned into hopeful meditators in the middle and practiced pros by the end. While technically we were supposed to be silent except for morning and evening chanting, interviews, and the daily discourse, Bhante wasn’t too strict on this rule and some of us snuck in some chatting here and there, particularly when it became intense. There were smiles, there were tears, and there were a few somatic releases. Mine, of course, happened during a breakfast in front of everyone.
Upon arrival, we were paired off and sent to our casitas to settle in. I was fortunate enough to bunk with Iris – a lovely Cuban-American currently living nomadically and based in the jungle of Colombia. Most participants were from the US (with a strong Brooklyn contingent), but all the Americas were represented. Phones were confiscated the first night and it was bliss. If you ever have the opportunity to turn off your phone for 10+ days, do it.
While basic, the casitas were comfortable, clean, and well-maintained. There was running water outside the cabin (and as many learned the hard way, that water was not potable), but no indoor plumbing. Trampoline-type structures were attached to the back of most casitas, enabling inhabitants to lie back and gaze at the stars. Unfortunately, this being the rainy season and all, the skies were never clear enough at night to take advantage of this novel feature.
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| No, Mom. I will never make my bed. |
The toilets. Dry composting ones. They took some time getting used to but weren’t so bad once I did. My hopes for not “realizing any solid needs” for the entire retreat were quickly dashed when I found myself back there every 3 hours and I surrendered.
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| Detailed instructions |
There are critters a-plenty at Tierramor. During those 11 days I saw howler monkeys, hummingbirds, butterflies, snakes, and a huge iguana; a scorpion fell on me; I was stung by a wasp. An endless line of ants march carrying a leaf section at least three times as large as they are and bring them to their lair to grow fungus for food. It is a trip.
We were allowed to talk, in earnest, on the 10th day and it was bizarre to hear what everyone sounded like. The relationships we developed in a silent container shifted a bit once we were back in the land of verbal communication. But the bonds remained strong. It wasn’t a coincidence that a rainbow appeared during the final tea time.
Everyday I had a different song playing in my head. On repeat. For 7+ hours of meditating. And the earworm was never by accident; it was always there to teach me something. The most important lesson I learned was from the Indigo Girls:
There's more than one answer to these questions
Pointing me in a crooked line
And the less I seek my source for some definitive
Closer I am to fine.
That is, there is no right path, only the one you're on, which will zig and zag in ways you don't yet understand until the puzzle pieces come together. Stop searching for the answers, lean into the flow, and you will be fine.
It was a beautiful experience. While I didn’t reach pure enlightenment after 10 days, I did feel moments of stillness and I’ll take that as a win.
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